bats - ugh.

i've regressed to a 7 year old girl. it's a stupid, stupid, stupid idea to want to be the strong, self-sufficient, independent single mom. it is *very, very, very* important to have a boy around when there is a bat flying around your house. (it's also *very, very, very* important to not have anyone with a video camera around if you have to remove said bat from your house yourself.) 2 shots of whiskey and an hour later my heart is almost back to it's normal rhythm.

i was all curled up and cozy on my couch watching a movie when i see something move out of the corner of my eye. next thing, the bat nearly flies into my head! this is so not good. so i did what any sensible girl would do - scream and run to my room and lock the door.

ok, so that wasn't such a good solution. there was still a bat in my house.

mom's phone was busy so i call tammy. she's a co-strong, self-sufficient, independent single mom. she'll talk me through this. taylor answers the phone. i'm trying not to be hysterical and freak her out: 'just put your mom on the phone!!!!!' tammy finally gets on the phone and advises me to put the useless dog (who *still* hasn't noticed the bat!) outside, open all the doors, get a broom, and use the broom to shoo it outside. if i can't manage it in a couple minutes, call her back and she and tay will come over and help.

i can't manage this. but i'm not going to have anyone come over and save me either. is putting sage out and opening all the doors and then locking myself in my room for the night an option? with my luck i'll have a swarm (gaggle? bevy?) of bats hanging in my living room in the morning with that approach.

i put sage out. she still hasn't noticed the bat but is looking quite confused about the fuss i'm making.

i open all the doors and open the garage door.

i'm armed with my broom.

where the heck is the bat?????

little sucker is resting on the brick well next to the tv. i gently (seriously!) prod it with the broom and it starts flying laps around the room again. those things are *fast*. i not so gently swat at it when it comes near me (and scream - of course!). it hits the wall on the other side of the room and goes down.

now what?

is it dead? i knew i should have learned to hit better - i missed the door by about 3 feet. no wonder i wasn't a great softball player. bat is twitching on the ground. oh no. i'm going to have to some how pick it up and remove it from the house. *gulp*

i approach cautiously and as i'm about to poke it (gently again!) with the broom - it takes off. more screaming. more swatting with the broom. i break a lamp but the darn bat is still flying around my head. i finally manage to bat the bat out of the den.

three feet to the garage.

my aim is getting better. two more shots (and several more screams - it's amazing that rj hasn't woken up) and the bat is in the garage. i slam the door to the house closed and run upstairs to slam the front door before he decides to come back in that way. close the back door and collapse with my heart pounding and breathing like i just ran a marathon (i wasn't breathing this heavy after my run this afternoon!).

definitely time for a shot. or two. or three.