4.27.2006

words you don't want to hear ...

'mommy? i found something ...'

because it's usually followed by your little one showing you something really, really gross and, being the mommy, you have to put on a brave face and figure out what to do with it. on the bright side, now that rj's getting big (too big most of the time!) i can make him get rid of what ever really gross thing he found. (the dark side of that is he's also big enough to bring home frogs and snakes and bugs and other creepy crawlies that mommy is soooo not ready to deal with!)

4.23.2006

*sigh* boys ...

ralphie is really setting that bar high. even given the obvious that it's easy for him to spoil me rotten when he only has to deal with me for a weekend at a time every couple of months. rj was talking about wanting to see murphy bird yesterday while we were in the car. i said i was going to visit murph next weekend and he asked if he could go, too. i told him when he was 21 :) i told ralphie the story and he invites me to bring rj next time i go down. then he starts talking about wishing he could be curled up with me - words every girl loves to hear :)

-s

4.15.2006

why buffy kicked ass

anyone who knows me knows i'm a huge buffy fan. this article was just too great to lose so i'm reposting so i can revisit it :)

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Why Buffy Kicked Ass
The deep meaning of TV’s favorite vampire slayer


When Buffy the Vampire Slayer premiered on the WB Network in 1996, American culture was in trouble. Americans were bowling alone, pursuing individual interests to the detriment of the communal good. Business leaders were celebrating creativity and neglecting discipline. Nike’s "Just do it" ads were teaching young people to break the rules. Hollywood was turning out "nightmares of depravity."

Americans had forgotten bourgeois virtue. Freedom and affluence had made us soft. We were self-indulgent moral nihilists -- materialistic, selfish, and impulsive. We might have been having fun, but we’d created a culture no one would fight for.

At least that’s what the wise men said.

On September 11, 2001, they shut up. Ordinary Americans, it turned out, were not only brave but resilient and creative, even lethal, when it mattered.

Buffy was right all along.

For those who somehow missed its cult success, Buffy tells the story of an unlikely hero -- a pert, blonde teenager whom fate has destined to be the Slayer, the "one girl in all the world" endowed with the supernatural strength to protect humanity against the demon hordes. Buffy would rather be a cheerleader and prom queen, but a normal life is not to be. "No chess club and football games for me," she says. "I spend my free time in graveyards and dark alleys."

The show, which ended its seven-season run in May, began as a reification of the horrors of high school. What if that ambitious cheerleader wannabe really was a witch? What if the girl no one paid attention to really turned invisible? What if the swim coach really would do anything to win? What if sleeping with your boyfriend made him act like a different person, turned your Angel into a cruel and vicious monster?

The mere existence of Buffy proves the declinists wrong about one thing: Hollywood commercialism can produce great art. Complex and evolving characters. Playful language. Joy and sorrow, pathos and elation. Episodes that dare to be different -- to tell stories in silence or in song. Big themes and terrible choices. In the show’s most wrenching moment, Buffy kisses her one true love and saves the world by sending him to hell.

Buffy assumes and enacts the consensus moral understanding of contemporary American culture, the moral understanding that the wise men ignored or forgot. This understanding depends on no particular religious tradition. It’s informed not by revelation but by experience. It is inclusive and humane, without denying distinctions or the tough facts of life. There are lots of jokes in Buffy -- humor itself is a moral imperative -- but no psychobabble and no excuses. Here are some of the show’s precepts, a sample of what Americans believe:

Evil exists. Evildoers deliberately inflict pain on others. Sometimes they do so because they enjoy watching others suffer. Sometimes they do so to assert or gather power. Often they seek both immediate pleasure and long-term gain. Whether they seek to rule the world or to humiliate high school losers, evildoers lack empathy. They lie. They manipulate the vulnerabilities of others. The truly evil are abetted by the weak and venal, who assist them out of fear, ambition, anger, or hate. The servants of evil are evil as well.

Redemption is possible. The once-evil can change. Vampires can reclaim their souls. Catty alpha girl Cordelia can learn to be nice. But true redemption exacts a price. Penitents must face what they’ve done. They must suffer. Faith, a second Slayer (long story there) who "went all evil and started killing people," must willingly go to prison for her crimes. Andrew, the nerd manipulated by grandiose dreams of godhood, must admit that he, not some outside force, killed his best friend. There’s no cheap grace in the Buffyverse.

Evil must be fought -- sometimes literally, with lives and weapons. Most evildoers are beyond redemption. They are certainly beyond persuasion. War is stupid and wasteful and cruel and necessary. "People die," says Buffy. "You lead them into battle, they’re going to die. It doesn’t matter how ready you are or how smart you are. War is about death. Needless, stupid death." The next day, she goes to war. And good people die.

Evil never goes away. Individual evildoers can be defeated; the current manifestation of evil can be destroyed. But, says Buffy, "There’s always more."

We don’t get to choose our reality. Life’s not fair. There’s no point in whining. "I hate this," Buffy tells her small band before their final battle. "I hate being here. I hate that you have to be here. I hate that there’s evil and that I was chosen to fight it....I know a lot of you wish that I hadn’t been either. This isn’t about wishes. This is about choices."

We do get to choose what we do. Buffy doesn’t choose to be the Slayer, but she chooses how to be the Slayer. She chooses to have friends and to share her mission with them. She chooses to wear cool clothes. She chooses to improvise, to break rules, to find loopholes. If prophecies decree that no sword can slay a certain demon, she gets a rocket launcher. She is pragmatic, creative, and incredibly effective.

"It flies in the face of everything we’ve ever -- every generation has ever done in the fight against evil," says Giles, her former Watcher and father figure, when Buffy lays out her plan in the finale. "I think it’s bloody brilliant."

Life’s pleasures are precious. Buffy maintains her sense of humor, her great hair, and her love of ice cream. She has fun with the friends she loves. The jokes and playful language are as essential to the Buffyverse as the earnest sentiments they cut across.

"So what do you guys want to do tomorrow?" Buffy asks her best friends as they walk to their final battle, a battle none expects to survive. "I was thinking of shopping, as per usual." Banter ensues about shoe cravings and the right look for a guy with an eye patch.

"Aren’t we going to discuss this?" asks Giles, befuddled and a tad disapproving. "Save the world, and go to the mall?"

Well, yes. That’s the world they’re fighting for.


Virginia Postrel is the author of The Substance of Style: How the Rise of Aesthetic Value Is Remaking Commerce, Culture, and Consciousness (HarperCollins).

4.13.2006

bats - ugh.

i've regressed to a 7 year old girl. it's a stupid, stupid, stupid idea to want to be the strong, self-sufficient, independent single mom. it is *very, very, very* important to have a boy around when there is a bat flying around your house. (it's also *very, very, very* important to not have anyone with a video camera around if you have to remove said bat from your house yourself.) 2 shots of whiskey and an hour later my heart is almost back to it's normal rhythm.

i was all curled up and cozy on my couch watching a movie when i see something move out of the corner of my eye. next thing, the bat nearly flies into my head! this is so not good. so i did what any sensible girl would do - scream and run to my room and lock the door.

ok, so that wasn't such a good solution. there was still a bat in my house.

mom's phone was busy so i call tammy. she's a co-strong, self-sufficient, independent single mom. she'll talk me through this. taylor answers the phone. i'm trying not to be hysterical and freak her out: 'just put your mom on the phone!!!!!' tammy finally gets on the phone and advises me to put the useless dog (who *still* hasn't noticed the bat!) outside, open all the doors, get a broom, and use the broom to shoo it outside. if i can't manage it in a couple minutes, call her back and she and tay will come over and help.

i can't manage this. but i'm not going to have anyone come over and save me either. is putting sage out and opening all the doors and then locking myself in my room for the night an option? with my luck i'll have a swarm (gaggle? bevy?) of bats hanging in my living room in the morning with that approach.

i put sage out. she still hasn't noticed the bat but is looking quite confused about the fuss i'm making.

i open all the doors and open the garage door.

i'm armed with my broom.

where the heck is the bat?????

little sucker is resting on the brick well next to the tv. i gently (seriously!) prod it with the broom and it starts flying laps around the room again. those things are *fast*. i not so gently swat at it when it comes near me (and scream - of course!). it hits the wall on the other side of the room and goes down.

now what?

is it dead? i knew i should have learned to hit better - i missed the door by about 3 feet. no wonder i wasn't a great softball player. bat is twitching on the ground. oh no. i'm going to have to some how pick it up and remove it from the house. *gulp*

i approach cautiously and as i'm about to poke it (gently again!) with the broom - it takes off. more screaming. more swatting with the broom. i break a lamp but the darn bat is still flying around my head. i finally manage to bat the bat out of the den.

three feet to the garage.

my aim is getting better. two more shots (and several more screams - it's amazing that rj hasn't woken up) and the bat is in the garage. i slam the door to the house closed and run upstairs to slam the front door before he decides to come back in that way. close the back door and collapse with my heart pounding and breathing like i just ran a marathon (i wasn't breathing this heavy after my run this afternoon!).

definitely time for a shot. or two. or three.

4.10.2006

stop telling me what to do!!!

I'm a big girl people. Yes, I like to go out. Yes, I like meeting new people. Yes, I know a bar isn't a great place to be looking for a soulmate. BUT ...

I AM NOT LOOKING FOR MY SOUL MATE

I'm so sick of the lectures about you need to find a better caliber of people than the ones that hang out at the 'pound (hello ... a couple of the sweetest people I've ever met I met at the 'pound and they're wonderful friends). Or you need to go to place X or Y to meet better people. I
*like* the places I go to. I have *fun* there. That is my requirement when choosing a venue: am I going to have fun? Not: am I going to meet my future husband? I don't care about future husbands. I'm so fed up with the dating BS that I'm just not that interested. And all of this well-intentioned advice is just making me crankier about it.

I don't want to deal with that right now so get off my case people! Let me go out and have fun. Let me enjoy spending time with you and whoever I happen to meet. Yes, a lot of them are weird and creepy (but so are we ... well, weird. Not really creepy), but c'mon, they end up being amusing stories in the end! It's not like I'm taking any of them seriously anymore. Yes, I did a year or so ago ... but I'm not any more. And I'm not looking to meet 'the one'. Screw that. He doesn't exist. And I'm OK with that. I just wish folks would stop treating me like a social pariah because I don't have a significant other, won't have one any time soon, and have no interest
is trying to hunt one down. I understand there are a lot of wonderful things to being part of a couple - I *was* married once and there were a lot of wonderful things about the ideal of that situation. Unfortunately that situation wasn't ideal. But there are lots of wonderful things about being single. If everyone would just get off my back and let me enjoy them.

-s